One thing that I have commented a lot about in this class, whether in my blogs or on others, is that I am really nervous to be a teacher. It makes me very apprehensive that I am having these feelings, sometimes I question whether being nervous means I will be a bad teacher. I know it's not the fact that I won't like my job, because that just doesn't make sense in my head. I have a passion for kids, teaching them new things as well as me learning from them. Not liking being a teacher seems really silly to me, so this makes me think that my apprehension means I am simply not going to be good at it.
First of all, as I stated earlier, I know I am going to LOVE being a teacher. That is once I am comfortable. I know that I will really appreciate my job as an educator simply through the experiences that I have had. I tried to follow an engineer around in their daily work, and I got too bored! I knew that wouldn't be the right thing for me. I even tried to follow a nurse anesthetist around, but found I am no good with blood. Really, I only followed these other professions around simply because my uncle said teaching wasn't worth going into. I doubted my choice at that point, and tried other areas. Yet, I came out of this experience longing to be a teacher more than ever. I know that it is one of the few jobs that can actually make me proud of what I do. I will be educating future generations, which is something really crucial. Not only will I be educating them, but I will be forming bonds with students and making a difference in their life. I know that the feelings from these experiences are amazing! For example, when I tutored a year ago, I had a young girl that really struggled with math. She came in every day frustrated beyond belief and really doubted her self. We constantly worked on practice problems, where I had repeatedly told her that I knew she could do it. Yet, she wasn't seeing immediate results so she was constantly beating herself up. But, I seen progress from the start, starting with her confidence. By the end of the semester, she had brought her grade up two whole letter grades. When she came up to me with the biggest smile on her face and gave me a huge hug, I knew what I wanted to do. I could see how happy she was with herself, and knew that I had made a difference for her. Yet, as an educator I know I will make a difference in more than academics. I came across this type of situation also when I tutored a year ago. I had a young boy that seemed to be interested in topics that other boys in his grade found "dumb." Therefore, he was very shy and really talked to nobody at school. So when I met with him, I focused strictly on him. The first couple of times we met, he never smiled and barely talked. I could tell that he was very insecure and it really broke my heart to see a student so upset with who he was as a person. Therefore, I took interest in his hobbies and what he was up too. At first, he was shy and barely responded, but when I had repeatedly talked about his interests (remembering what he told me to start), he could see that I truly did care. I remember when he first laughed with me even, it was probably the best feeling I had ever felt. To know that even though I couldn't be with him all of the time and make him feel better, I could see him once a day and make a difference. My last day with him he gave me a huge hug and wrote me a letter thanking me for everything. I don't know how I will top that moment, but it's time like those when I know that teaching needs to be my profession.
With all of this passion to be a teacher, you would think that I have confidence myself. Yet, I don't. I honestly have never been more nervous in my life for student teaching and beyond, and these situations are still 1 to 2 years away. Yet, I can't help thinking about it and I can't seem to settle my nerves when I do. I hate that I feel this way, because I am afraid it will hinder what I do as a teacher. I honestly couldn't tell you the whole reason why I am nervous. I know that as a student teacher I am afraid of what the main teacher will think of me. That really scares me. I found an article for future student teachers, so that I could see if it had any meaningful tips. The article said to come in early before the school year starts to help. I know that this would help since I could form some sort of relationship with the teacher. I could see how they plan to set up the classroom, and hopefully become comfortable with them to ease my nerves. It also says to observe other teachers before you go in. This way, you don't have to completely mimic the teacher in the classroom. I have observed some teachers and I plan on doing more before I go into student teaching. I know that this will really help because I could find methods that I like or don't like, and even get advice. The last tip in this article states to invite the principle in to observe you teach at the end of the year. This is where my heart dropped in the article. Another person judging me? No thanks! I get nervous enough to have the teacher in the room, but the principal too? I think I would have a heart attack! I only hope I can gain the confidence to be comfortable with myself as a teacher, and be even comfortable enough to be judged by whoever.
To be honest, I debated posting this blog. A lot of others in the class seem really confident as a future teacher already. I have made so many comments about how I am not, so I am afraid people will question me. I really am passionate for this and know I will be fine, I just get very nervous in these types of situations. Therefore, any advice would be very much appreciated. =)
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